Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Busy lives

When one is lazy and overly tired from working too much behind on blogging, one decides to mish-mash as many events/pictures as one can into a blog post to appease the readers. Just like Alexander decided to "mish-mash" chili all over his face last week!

Life with Alexander:
The weather has been so nice that we spent the long weekend working outside in the yard. Unlike last year, we can actually finish jobs with a toddler underfoot, even if it takes a bit longer with toddler assistance. As an added bonus to the 3 day weekend, our neighbor rented a tractor for yard work and Alexander's level of excitement was through the roof. Three days with a tractor? A little boy's heaven.

Alexander loves to drink out of straws any chance he can. Drinking juice with Daddy is an added bonus!

Fish On! This one is a keeper!

Jodie stayed with us over Mother's Day weekend. Alexander spent the morning trying on her boots. And now, the kid is living in his green boots. I think he'd sleep in them if we allowed it.

Alexander (and Elmo) enjoy a new stroller (for those keeping count, we've owned 4 in 2 years!)

A ball player is born...and a mommy is proud.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Being a Mom

**Warning ~ Mom is hijacking the blog for personal thoughts**
A very sweet family welcomed a 1 lb baby girl into their lives eleven months ago. Last night, they said goodbye to Kayleigh. This story hurts my heart. I can not imagine giving birth to my son, only to leave him day after day for 11 months in the NICU, watching him fight for life, to have it end and never bring him home. And yet, in all honesty, I never thought I would bring a baby home, because I never thought I would be a mom.

I can remember past Mother's Days and wondering, "will I ever be a mom?" Sitting as a guest at a baby shower wondering, "will I ever be a mom?" Masking the hurt when someone would ask when we were going to have a baby and responding with a flippant remark so they wouldn't see the pain of years of trying. Desperantly wanting to make my husband a father. Over time, the thoughts eventually turned from "will I have a baby" to "I can't have a baby". I think I hit an all time low when we were watching Battlestar Gallactica one night. A cylone announced it was pregnant. I looked at Eric and said, "A machine can get pregnant but I can't!" and sobbed uncontrollably for the remainder of the show. Yes, I was bitter and angry, irrational and hysterical that a fictional TV character could have what I wanted. I laugh about it now but infertility is a nasty beast and I never knew might trigger its arrival. Hope is pulled out from under you more times than you can count and you learn to put up a wall to avoid feeling hurt. Friends and family tell me that time in my life made me stronger but there was a feeling of helplessness which created a weakness in me. I think I have put behind me but when someone begins to talk about their fertility struggles, I'm instantly transported back to those feelings once again.

I found out we were pregnant three years ago this week and yes, I know that remembering that date seems silly to announce on the blog. But I bet every mom can remember the morning they found out they were expecting their first child. The details of that morning are etched in my mind, along with Eric's first sentence, "that can't be right. Your infertile and I'm sterile". Lovely sentiment, honey. All that I had hoped for in 3 years was about to come true for us and yet, Eric was just worried that I was going to drink coffee that morning, which was bad for the 4 week old fetus (never mind the cocktails I had drunk Saturday night with the girls).

The wounds of infertility were still fresh and I was scared to hope. I just couldn't believe I was going to be a mom. I refused to tell anyone of the pregnancy but our parents until we heard the hearbeat. I never told anyone at work. Instead, I told six of my former students in the 14th week and let them spread the news. By the time I returned to school in August, most kids knew I was expecting and hadn't just let myself go over the summer months. I had the best pregnancy but worried at each doctor appt that something was wrong. There was still part of my heart that refused to believe that I was going to be a mom.

Even as my belly grew and I waddled and ached and suffered a broken rib due to our active boy, I still didn't believe I was going to be a mom.

1 week before baby

My due date came and went and I still didn't believe I was going to be a mom.

My water broke and I still didn't believe I was going to be a mom.

before contractions hit!

Even when Alexander immediately stopped crying when he saw me after he was born, I STILL didn't believe I was going to be a mom.

But then...
Everyone had left the hospital room, except for Alexander, my mom and me. And in one perfect moment, I looked at my sweet son's face and I KNEW I WAS MEANT TO BE HIS MOM.

All of the anger, hurt, and bitterness of infertility seems a lifetime ago. I secretly loved when people said "Happy Mother's Day" to me this past weekend because I am a mom! I love it when Alexander says Mama over and over and over again because I am a mom! I love that my husband and son spoiled me like a princess ths past weekend because I am a mom. They bought me a spa day (ok, so I booked that for myself), made me breakfast in bed, let me sleep in until 10, and they told me they loved me all day long.

So, what's the point of this post? I'm sad for Kayleigh's mom. I want you to think of Kayleigh's family and send them thoughts to help them heal. I want you to hug your kid(s) or call them and tell them you love them. I want you to stop for a minute and count the blessings in your life. Or maybe I just needed to write all this out and realize that dark chapter in my life is officially closed. And the sunshine that is my son is asleep in his bed, quietly snoring and sucking on his pacifier. Music to my ears. Because I am his mom.

Before I Was a Mom

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours of the night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put him down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside of my body...
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much
before I was a Mom...

Monday, May 11, 2009

And the winner is...

Auntie Melinda!!
She even sent her winning picture to Mommy at work because she knew Mommy would laugh out loud.

(picture proof, even if you can't read the 10,000 ~ it is there!)

Seeing my smiling face grin over the 10,000 post picture is perfect!

Mommy and Melinda have been best friends since they met in high school. Melinda was the cool, older girl who was willing to hang out with my dorky momma in her freshman year. She and Mommy have this weird connection and often finish each others thoughts and sentences before the other one has a chance. Mommy was the Maid of Honor for Melinda's wedding and Melinda threw Mommy a baby shower when she was pregnant with me. They have seen each other through the worst and best of times.

(Oct 2006 baby shower)

But the prize for this contest was a post about the winner and me. I met Melinda the day I was born.

She came to the hospital to visit Mommy, Daddy and me. Of course, I was the perfect angel on her visit and slept in her arms the entire time. She is a super fun playmate and I love when she comes over for a visit...even if she forgot to come to my second birthday party!!

And NOW...we can finally reveal that my auntie Melinda is going TO HAVE A BABY of her very own! Mommy has been DYING patiently waiting to announce this news on her blog. That's why Melinda sent the post to Mommy at work for laughs ~ she KNEW Mommy was just waiting for the perfect excuse to blab the news!! She is due November 7. Mommy is going to the BIG u/s later with Melinda this month to find out if we Melinda is welcoming a baby boy or girl into our lives.
Think Pink, People!

Pretty soon, you will be holding your very own baby, Auntie Melinda.
No one could have wanted this more for you than us...we love you!!


Only a few more clicks and we will have 10,000 hits to the blog!!!
Who's going to be the lucky winner and have their story told on the blog??
Email the picture of the ticker to win!!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy mama / nod and a uh day!

Today is mama day. This gets a bit confusing with all the mama's I have in my life.

So, my papa has a mommy... Great grandma says mama but I call her: nod and uh.

My mama, has a mama too...I call her: nod and uh.

My dada's mama, I call her: Nod and uh.

and then of course...

my MAMA!!!!!

So to all you mamas... Happy Mama's Day. All I know is I'm about as lucky as I can be having all of you.
ps. Papa day will be a lot easier... I can say his name.

The boy who loves climbing

Alex has found something better then tables to climb on....

I know - it's been a weekend of huge updates... Alex is searching through the pictures to find a good montage of mommy photos for mother's day. But I think he might get off task.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I'm so sorry grandmas....

Alex loves a certain word...
He loves seeing it written...
He demands it written quite a lot...
Here it is...

A Little Flirt

Last night, Kayla and Kelly came over for a visit. Both are former students who are home from college. I found out I was pregnant at the end of their senior year (right after I "chaperoned" their senior trip to Disneyland) and they were the first students we officially told....along with four other pretty princesses. Over the years, they have stopped in for visits at school but this time they wanted to visit with Alexander.

Kayla, Alexander and Kelly mugging for the camera.

Funny Faces!

Alexander says you can babysit anytime you like!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Boy who Loves Tables

It does not matter what type or how high a table stands; Alexander will climb it.

It does not matter in what room the table is located or for what purpose the table is intended; Alexander will use it.

Alexander is
The Boy who Loves TABLES

Friday, May 1, 2009

Balanced young man

So quite a few people have been bringing cameras to Little Gym, so dad brought one, but only took a few pictures. I'm still a balance beam superstar.